Targeted parents know that deception is a fundamental part of the alienating parent's campaign of denigration. Deception is the primary method used in persuading children to participate in asserting false claims of abuse. Therapists need to understand how to detect deception in order to identify the deceptive tells that may be displayed by alienating parents and children.
Paul M. Clikeman, Ph.D., CFE, an expert on deception, describes ten signs of deception:
1. Lack of self-reference. For example, “The safe was left unlocked” rather than “I left the safe unlocked.”
2. Verb tense. Truthful people use past tense terms for events that occurred in the past; however, dishonest people often use present tense terms for past events.
3. Answering a question with a question. Truthful people answer directly; whereas, dishonest people often attempt to avoid answering the question by asking another question.
4. Equivocation. Truthful people are sure of their answers; while dishonest people often don’t want to get trapped in a lie, so they use vague or weak expressions. These expressions include terms such as: I think, I guess, sort of, maybe, might, perhaps, about, could, and approximately.
5. Oaths. Honest people are confident that the facts will prove the veracity of their statements; however, dishonest people, despite giving little useful information, will give weak oaths to make their statements sound more convincing. Oaths such as: “I swear,” “cross my heart,” and “god as my witness.”
6. Euphemisms. Dishonest people use softer terms that put their actions in a more favorable light. Look for euphemistic terms such as: “missing” instead of “stolen,” “borrowed” instead of “took,” “bumped” instead of “hit,” and “warned” instead of “threatened.” Note, when making false claims of abuse, the terms will be harsher to make their statements more favorable.
7. Alluding to actions. People sometimes allude to actions without saying they actually performed them. For example, a person who says “Last week, I decided to copy my files on the hard drive. I also need to lock the list in the safe.” Did this person actually copy the files or lock the list in the safe? An attentive investigator should not assume that the actions that were alluded to were actually performed.
8. Lack of detail. Truthful statements usually contain specific details, some of which may not even be relevant to the question asked. Those who fabricate stories tend to keep their statements simple and brief. Few liars have sufficient imagination to make up detailed descriptions of fictitious events.
9. Narrative balance. A narrative consists of three parts: prologue, critical event and aftermath. The prologue contains background information and describes events that took place before the critical event, this should consume about 20-25 percent of the narrative. The critical event is the most important occurrence and should consume 40-60 percent. The aftermath describes what happened after the critical event and should take about 25-35 percent of the narrative. If one part of the narrative is significantly shorter than expected, important information may have been omitted, and if it is significantly longer than expected, it may be padded with false information.
10. Mean length of utterance. The average number of words per sentence is called the “mean length of utterance.” Most people tend to speak in sentences of between 10 and 15 words. When people feel anxious about an issue, they tend to speak in sentences that are either significantly longer or significantly shorter than the norm.
A person who demonstrates these signs is not necessarily lying; he or she may just be anxious for a number of reasons. Also, a skilled liar may not demonstrate any of these signs. A trained professional will know this and use these red flags to further investigate the situation before making any determinations or recommendations about the situation.
If your family therapist does not know the signs of deception, then he or she is not likely going to be very effective in identifying the core issues that exist in parental alienation families. Staying with an ineffective provider can ultimately cause more harm to the family simply because the alienating parent has more opportunity to manipulate the children during the time that he or she is not being held accountable to their deceit.
Parental alienation experts believe that ‘threat therapy’ is the most effective strategy for treatment. This strategy is a proactive approach that involves the therapist making the alienating parent unmistakably aware that he or she will disclose their alienation attempts to the court, and recommend court approved sanctions if it continues. Click here to read more about 'threat therapy'.
If your family therapist is unable or unwilling to utilize these techniques, it may be time to switch to a provider who is able and willing. Search Shannon's List Professional Review for a provider that is experienced in parental alienation, or post a review for the providers you have worked with.
For further reading on parental alienation and coping techniques, visit the Alienation Hurts site at www.alienationhurts.com.
Citation: Clikeman, P., (2012 January/February). Fraud Magazine, 27, pp. 30-34.
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